The Robert Sheckley Megapack Read online

  COPYRIGHT INFO

  The Robert Sheckley Megapack is copyright © 2013 by Wildside Press LLC. All rights reserved. Cover art copyright © 2013 by Peter Hires Images / Fotolia. For more information, contact the publisher.

  This is version 1.2 (correcting minor typos).

  * * * *

  “Watchbird” originally appeared in Galaxy Science Fiction, Feb. 1953.

  The Status Civilization originally appeared in 1960.

  “Ask a Foolish Question” originally appeared in Science Fiction Stories (1953).

  “Bad Medicine” originally appeared in Pilgrimage to Earth (1956).

  “Diplomatic Immunity” originally appeared in Galaxy Science Fiction, August 1953.

  “Warrior Race” originally appeared in Galaxy, Nov. 1952.

  “The Hour of Battle” originally appeared in Space Science Fiction, Sept. 1953.

  “Keep Your Shape” originally appeared in Galaxy Science Fiction, November 1953.

  “Warm” originally appeared in Galaxy Science Fiction, June 1953.

  “Death Wish” originally appeared in Galaxy, June 1956 (as by “Ned Lang”).

  “Beside Still Waters” originally appeared in Amazing Stories, Oct.-Nov. 1953.

  “Forever” originally appeared in Galaxy Science Fiction, February 1959.

  “The Leech” originally appeared in Galaxy Science Fiction, December 1952.

  “One Man’s Poison” originally appeared in Galaxy Science Fiction, December 1953.

  A NOTE FROM THE PUBLISHER

  I only met Robert Sheckley once, in 1980, when he was a guest at Philcon, a science fiction convention held in Philadelphia. Along with Ben Bova (who was the convention’s principle speaker), Sheckley had an off-site autographing at a local bookstore, and I dutifully carted several books there to get them signed. In the bookstore, they were sitting and chatting with each other…because no one else was there. I was the only who had yet arrived to meet them and get my books signed. (This is not unusual—many bookstore autographing sessions are sparsely attended. I’ve had several myself where only a couple of people showed up over the course of an hour.)

  At that time, Sheckley was the fiction editor at Omni magazine, and Bova was the general editor. Both were quite cordial, took time to speak with me and answer some questions, and both signed an issue of Omni and a few books I had acquired at the convention. I’ll never forget it, since I was only 16 years old at the time, an aspiring writer myself (I made my first professional sale a few months later), and they were both approachable, friendly, and welcoming—exactly what professional writers should be.

  At the time, I mostly knew Ben Bova from his editorship of Analog magazine (he succeeded legendary editor John W. Campbell, Jr.), and I had never read anything of Sheckley’s, though I recognized the name from Omni (which I also read).

  So here is a collection of 14 of Robert Sheckley’s short stories and one novel (The Status Civilization). Sadly, I never ran into him again so I could tell him how much I enjoyed the books I acquired that day: the novel Immortality, Inc. and the collection Untouched by Human Hands, which contains some terrific short stories. Great works by an under-appreciated writer.

  —John Betancourt

  Publisher, Wildside Press LLC

  www.wildsidepress.com

  ABOUT THE MEGAPACK SERIES

  Over the last few years, our “Megapack” series of ebook anthologies has proved to be one of our most popular endeavors. (Maybe it helps that we sometimes offer them as premiums to our mailing list!) One question we keep getting asked is, “Who’s the editor?”

  The Megapacks (except where specifically credited) are a group effort. Everyone at Wildside works on them. This includes John Betancourt, Carla Coupe, Steve Coupe, Bonner Menking, Colin Azariah-Kribbs, A.E. Warren, and many of Wildside’s authors…who often suggest stories to include (and not just their own!).

  A NOTE FOR KINDLE READERS

  The Kindle versions of our Megapacks employ active tables of contents for easy navigation…please look for one before writing reviews on Amazon that complain about the lack! (They are sometimes at the ends of ebooks, depending on your reader.)

  RECOMMEND A FAVORITE STORY?

  Do you know a great classic science fiction story, or have a favorite author whom you believe is perfect for the Megapack series? We’d love your suggestions! You can post them on our message board at http://movies.ning.com/forum (there is an area for Wildside Press comments).

  Note: we only consider stories that have already been professionally published. This is not a market for new works.

  TYPOS

  Unfortunately, as hard as we try, a few typos do slip through. We update our ebooks periodically, so make sure you have the current version (or download a fresh copy if it’s been sitting in your ebook reader for months.) It may have already been updated.

  If you spot a new typo, please let us know. We’ll fix it for everyone. You can email the publisher at [email protected] or use the message boards above.

  THE MEGAPACK SERIES

  MYSTERY

  The Achmed Abdullah Megapack

  The Charlie Chan Megapack

  The Craig Kennedy Scientific Detective Megapack

  The Detective Megapack

  The Father Brown Megapack

  The Jacques Futrelle Megapack

  The Anna Katharine Green Mystery Megapack

  The First Mystery Megapack

  The Penny Parker Megapack

  The Pulp Fiction Megapack

  The Raffles Megapack

  The Victorian Mystery Megapack

  The Wilkie Collins Megapack

  GENERAL INTEREST

  The Adventure Megapack

  The Baseball Megapack

  The Christmas Megapack

  The Second Christmas Megapack

  The Classic American Short Stories Megapack

  The Classic Humor Megapack

  The Military Megapack

  SCIENCE FICTION & FANTASY

  The Edward Bellamy Megapack

  The First Reginald Bretnor Megapack

  The Philip K. Dick Megapack

  The Randall Garrett Megapack

  The Second Randall Garrett Megapack

  The Murray Leinster Megapack

  The Second Murray Leinster Megapack

  The Martian Megapack

  The Andre Norton Megapack

  The H. Beam Piper Megapack

  The Pulp Fiction Megapack

  The First Science Fiction Megapack

  The Second Science Fiction Megapack

  The Third Science Fiction Megapack

  The Fourth Science Fiction Megapack

  The Fifth Science Fiction Megapack

  The Sixth Science Fiction Megapack

  The Steampunk Megapack

  The Time Travel Megapack

  The Wizard of Oz Megapack

  HORROR

  The Achmed Abdullah Megapack

  The E.F. Benson Megapack

  The Second E.F. Benson Megapack

  The Cthulhu Mythos Megapack

  The Ghost Story Megapack

  The Second Ghost Story Megapack

  The Third Ghost Story Megapack

  The Horror Megapack

  The M.R. James Megapack

  The Macabre Megapack

  The Second Macabre Megapack

  The Mummy Megapack

  The Vampire Megapack

  The Werewolf Megapack

  WESTERNS

  The B.M. Bower Megapack

  The Max Brand Megapack

  The Buffalo Bill Megapack

  The Cowboy Megapack

  The Zane Grey Megapack

  The Western Megapack


  The Second Western Megapack

  The Wizard of Oz Megapack

  CHILDREN / YOUNG ADULT

  The Boys’ Adventure Megapack

  The Dan Carter, Cub Scout Megapack

  The G.A. Henty Megapack

  The Penny Parker Megapack

  The Pinocchio Megapack

  The Rover Boys Megapack

  The Tom Corbett, Space Cadet Megapack

  The Tom Swift Megapack

  AUTHOR MEGAPACKS

  The Achmed Abdullah Megapack

  The Edward Bellamy Megapack

  The B.M. Bower Megapack

  The E.F. Benson Megapack

  The Second E.F. Benson Megapack

  The Max Brand Megapack

  The First Reginald Bretnor Megapack

  The Wilkie Collins Megapack

  The Philip K. Dick Megapack

  The Jacques Futrelle Megapack

  The Randall Garrett Megapack

  The Anna Katharine Green Megapack

  The Zane Grey Megapack

  The Second Randall Garrett Megapack

  The M.R. James Megapack

  The Murray Leinster Megapack

  The Second Murray Leinster Megapack

  The Andre Norton Megapack

  The H. Beam Piper Megapack

  The Mack Reynolds Megapack

  The Rafael Sabatini Megapack

  INTRODUCTION

  “[Robert Sheckley is] probably the best short-story writer during the ’50s to the mid-1960s working in any field.”

  — Neil Gaiman

  “Robert Sheckley: the best short-story writer the field has produced.”

  —Alan Dean Foster

  “I had no idea the competition was so terrifyingly good.”

  —Douglas Adams

  * * * *

  ROBERT SHECKLEY (July 16, 1928–December 9, 2005) was a Hugo- and Nebula-nominated American author. First published in the science fiction magazines of the 1950s, his numerous quick-witted stories and novels were famously unpredictable, absurdist, and broadly comical.

  Sheckley was a prolific and versatile writer. His works include not only original short stories and novels, but also TV series episodes (Captain Video and His Video Rangers), novelizations of works by others (Babylon 5: A Call to Arms, after the film), stories in shared universes such as Heroes in Hell, and collaborations with other writers. He was best known for his several hundreds of short stories, which he published in book form as well as individually. Typical Sheckley stories include “Bad Medicine” (in which a man is mistakenly treated by a psychotherapy machine intended for Martians), “Protection” (whose protagonist is warned of deadly danger unless he avoids the common activity of “lesnerizing,” a word whose meaning is not explained), and “The Accountant” (in which a family of wizards learns that their son has been taken from them by a more sinister trade—accountancy). In many stories Sheckley speculates about alternative (and usually sinister) social orders, of which a good example is the story “A Ticket to Tranai” (that tells of a sort of Utopia designed for human nature as it actually is, which turns out to have terrible drawbacks).

  In the 1990s Sheckley wrote a series of three mystery novels featuring detective Hob Draconian, as well as novels set in the worlds of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and Alien. Before his death, Sheckley had been commissioned to write an original novel based upon the TV series The Prisoner for Powys Media, but died before completing the manuscript.

  His novel Dimension of Miracles is often cited as an influence on Douglas Adams’s The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, although in an interview for Neil Gaiman’s book Don’t Panic: The Official Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Companion, Adams said he had not read it until after writing the Guide.

  One of Sheckley’s early works, the 1953 Galaxy short story “Seventh Victim,” was the basis for the film The 10th Victim, also known by the original Italian title La decima vittima. The film starred Marcello Mastroianni and Ursula Andress. A novelization of the film, also written by Sheckley, was published in 1966. The story may also have been the inspiration for the role-playing game Assassin. The Japanese novel and film Battle Royale and the series of best-selling novels The Hunger Games also have the same premise as Sheckley’s story. The satirical premise, invented by Sheckley, is that in the future killings are legal and televised, and that potential victims or hunters can get corporate sponsors and extra perks to assist them in succeeding as a professional, corporate-sponsored, celebrity killer.

  Sheckley’s novel Immortality, Inc.—about a world in which the afterlife could be obtained via a scientific process—was very loosely adapted into a film, the 1992 Freejack, starring Mick Jagger, Emilio Estevez, Rene Russo, and Anthony Hopkins.

  The short story “Watchbird” (included here) was adapted for the short-lived TV series Masters of Science Fiction. It did not initially air in the US, but on February 12, 2012, the Science Channel began airing the episodes, under the title Stephen Hawking’s Sci-Fi Masters, beginning with the first domestic airing of the episode “Watchbirds.” It was included on the DVD set for the series.

  A number of Sheckley’s works, both as Sheckley and as Finn O’Donnevan, were also adapted for the radio show X Minus One in the late 1950s, including the above-mentioned “Seventh Victim,” “Bad Medicine” and “Protection.” The radio show Tales of Tomorrow (also in the late 1950s) did a version of “Watchbird,” and South Africa radio did their version of “Watchbird” on the series SF68.

  He was named Author Emeritus by the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America in 2001.

  WATCHBIRD

  When Gelsen entered, he saw that the rest of the watchbird manufacturers were already present. There were six of them, not counting himself, and the room was blue with expensive cigar smoke.

  “Hi, Charlie,” one of them called as he came in.

  The rest broke off conversation long enough to wave a casual greeting at him. As a watchbird manufacturer, he was a member manufacturer of salvation, he reminded himself wryly. Very exclusive. You must have a certified government contract if you want to save the human race.

  “The government representative isn’t here yet,” one of the men told him. “He’s due any minute.”

  “We’re getting the green light,” another said.

  “Fine.” Gelsen found a chair near the door and looked around the room. It was like a convention, or a Boy Scout rally. The six men made up for their lack of numbers by sheer volume. The president of Southern Consolidated was talking at the top of his lungs about watchbird’s enormous durability. The two presidents he was talking at were grinning, nodding, one trying to interrupt with the results of a test he had run on watchbird’s resourcefulness, the other talking about the new recharging apparatus.

  The other three men were in their own little group, delivering what sounded like a panegyric to watchbird.

  Gelsen noticed that all of them stood straight and tall, like the saviors they felt they were. He didn’t find it funny. Up to a few days ago he had felt that way himself. He had considered himself a pot-bellied, slightly balding saint.

  He sighed and lighted a cigarette. At the beginning of the project, he had been as enthusiastic as the others. He remembered saying to Macintyre, his chief engineer, “Mac, a new day is coming. Watchbird is the Answer.” And Macintyre had nodded very profoundly—another watchbird convert.

  How wonderful it had seemed then! A simple, reliable answer to one of mankind’s greatest problems, all wrapped and packaged in a pound of incorruptible metal, crystal and plastics.

  Perhaps that was the very reason he was doubting it now. Gelsen suspected that you don’t solve human problems so easily. There had to be a catch somewhere.

  After all, murder was an old problem, and watchbird too new a solution.

  “Gentlemen—” They had been talking so heatedly that they hadn’t noticed the government representative entering. Now the room became quiet at once.

  “Gentlemen,” the plump governmen
t man said, “the President, with the consent of Congress, has acted to form a watchbird division for every city and town in the country.”

  The men burst into a spontaneous shout of triumph. They were going to have their chance to save the world after all, Gelsen thought, and worriedly asked himself what was wrong with that.

  He listened carefully as the government man outlined the distribution scheme. The country was to be divided into seven areas, each to be supplied and serviced by one manufacturer. This meant monopoly, of course, but a necessary one. Like the telephone service, it was in the public’s best interests. You couldn’t have competition in watchbird service. Watchbird was for everyone.

  “The President hopes,” the representative continued, “that full watchbird service will be installed in the shortest possible time. You will have top priorities on strategic metals, manpower, and so forth.”

  “Speaking for myself,” the president of Southern Consolidated said, “I expect to have the first batch of watchbirds distributed within the week. Production is all set up.”

  * * * *

  The rest of the men were equally ready. The factories had been prepared to roll out the watchbirds for months now. The final standardized equipment had been agreed upon, and only the Presidential go-ahead had been lacking.

  “Fine,” the representative said. “If that is all, I think we can—is there a question?”

  “Yes, sir,” Gelsen said. “I want to know if the present model is the one we are going to manufacture.”

  “Of course,” the representative said. “It’s the most advanced.”

  “I have an objection.” Gelsen stood up. His colleagues were glaring coldly at him. Obviously he was delaying the advent of the golden age.

  “What is your objection?” the representative asked.

  “First, let me say that I am one hundred per cent in favor of a machine to stop murder. It’s been needed for a long time. I object only to the watchbird’s learning circuits. They serve, in effect, to animate the machine and give it a pseudo-consciousness. I can’t approve of that.”

  “But, Mr. Gelsen, you yourself testified that the watchbird would not be completely efficient unless such circuits were introduced. Without them, the watchbirds could stop only an estimated seventy per cent of murders.”